2 years ago (can’t find the exact date), I posted this:

So this is it.

 

After 20 years of my life and recently labelled as an ‘adult’, after countless battles with the voices in my mind on what I want to do in life and what I want to become, after so many wasted days, I guess I’ll start steering myself in the right direction of what I want to do in the future.

 

I used to dream of becoming a writer, an actress, a journalist, a travelling writer. I would like to settle for becoming a travelling writer and inspire everyone with the insights of the world that I see and learn, converted into words. But of course, I’ll need to brush up on my English, save up, and find the courage to travel the world for a long period of time… possibly alone.

 

I came across this paragraph from http://www.so-many-places.com/2012/10/when-one-partner-wants-to-travel-and-the-other-doesnt-one-year-later/ and found that it made so much sense.

 

“One of the things I have noticed while travelling, even when traveling with a partner, is that I have a lot more down time than I used to, more quiet time, and time to spend reflecting. I think this is a big reason that traveling is so important to people and can have profound impacts-it allows you to spend time reflecting, which helps you grow as a person. This is time that you don’t get while working a 9-to-5 and weekends filled with obligations.”

 

Maybe that’s what I’m looking for – to spend time reflecting, to have myself grow as a person.

 

I’m just an ordinary girl with no sob story to share, just someone who’s lost and haven’t found out why I’ve been put on this earth for. Perhaps the only sob story I have is my self-created drama(s) to make my life more interesting. (That’s so sad)

 

It’s been (kind of) a painful journey for me. After graduating from secondary school, all my options in deciding my career path were all over the place. They were courses like Media Studies, Mass Communications, Early Childhood Studies, Psychology, Law. Nothing like Business or Marketing, or anything general. Guess I wanted to specialise in something specific.

 

Three years later, I graduated and there I was stuck at the crossroads again. This time I didn’t have a restricted amount of time to decide on the next chapter of my life. I took my own sweet time which amounted to almost a year and a half. But hey, I wasn’t totally a bum. Shortly after the last day of school, I started working on a four-month contract. So that was from February 2011 to May 2011.

 

In May, I travelled to Krabi, Thailand, for a short getaway. When my contract ended, I converted to working part-time. It wasn’t really a step down for me, or anything like that. I’ve been working part-time with the company since 2009 so I was happy to kill time and earn some bucks while deciding what I wanted to do. Who knew that it would take so long for me to wake up to reality? (I still haven’t, by the way)

 

So anyways, I saved up a fair bit and went to Palembang, Indonesia, with my softball mates to support Team Singapore’s softball team at the 26th Southeast Asian Games 2011 (SEA Games)! That was in November 2011 and one month later, I was off to Hong Kong with my family. Two days after touching down, I was travelling my ass off again! This time I went to Chiang Mai, Thailand, for the Chiang Mai Open International Softball Championship. 2011 was really an eventful and meaningful year for me. Mind you, I was only 19 years old then.

 

Most of my friends were applying for University to slog their guts out for a damn piece of paper that has the word ‘Degree’ on it. Okay, it doesn’t have just the word ‘Degree’ on it but whatever. How would I know! I don’t have that paper.

 

All of us in Singapore have spent a minimum of 10 studious years straight to complete our primary and secondary school education. If you took the Junior College path, it would be 12. For polytechnic students, it would be 13 years. It varies. For me, it was 13 years. 13 freaking long years of painful and torturous studying. Taking a one year break wouldn’t kill anyone right?! Besides, I definitely deserved it. And so does everyone else in the world. Take a break, man. Don’t plan too far ahead ’cause you never know when you’re about to go…

 

I don’t want to study, yet I don’t want to work. It’s foolish, I know. How am I supposed to survive if that’s the case? But what I want to prove in life is that we don’t need a stinking Degree or Masters or PhD to make it work. All we need is probably at least a basic education coupled with survival skills, passion and sadly, money. Money is the vehicle to places. Passion alone will not last forever.

 

I’m sensible and mature enough to know at this point of time it’s ridiculous for me to pursue what I want because I’m so unprepared. There are so many factors that are stopping me. Aside from money, my biggest stumbling block is Fear.

 

“Where do I begin? How do I do this? Where am I going to get the money to fuel me? What am I going to do when I’m old?” (I know I said don’t plan too far ahead but I’ll have to worry about this someday)

 

The desire for me to travel and get out of Singapore is getting stronger as each day passes. In the meantime while I work things out, I’ll be taking short trips and working my ass off for a better tomorrow.

 

It’s been a long lengthy post, and probably boring to read but I had to pen down all my thoughts before they run away and I lose focus.

 

Finally, I’ve found something that I want but whether or not it’ll last will be another day’s worry.

 

My travel journal here will begin in 2013 and I’ll make this work… somehow.

I’ve just properly re-read my post and I’m wondering… Is this it? Is this how I’m unknowingly working towards what I’ve dreamt of – a travelling writer? This is spooky but I’m excited for what’s to come.

I’m also pretty annoyed by the line breaks that are not showing in my post.  It looks like one whole disorganised chunk of text. Guess it can’t be fixed with an iPad or a mobile phone. Please bear with me.